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+--- Thread: Things that Tommy Cooper Might Have Said (/showthread.php?tid=79)
Things that Tommy Cooper Might Have Said - Seafront Plodder - 18-03-2009
I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up. She turned out to be an undercover detective.
How cool is that at her age?!
I just saw that Harry Potter film.
A bit unrealistic if you ask me - I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?
A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."
To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a willy like that."
I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.
He was chuffed to bits.
When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids.
So I put her out with one punch.
My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed.
"It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me.
A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.
Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."
"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"
I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding behind a gravestone.
I said "morning."
He replied, "No, just having a pee."
There's a new machine at our local gym - it's very popular.
It sells Kit Kat and Coke!
Disabled toilets.
Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that had his pocket picked.
How could anyone stoop so low?
I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
Things that Tommy Cooper Might Have Said - Sweder - 18-03-2009
Brilliant - Cooper was the man.
Perhaps one of the few of today's comedians to carry the banner is Ricky Gervais. I'm none too keen on his super-smug stuff (never sure when he's acting) or his fawning and ubiquitous appearances on Rossy. This, however, is, in my humble opinion, genius.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xf3FJXZaYu8
Watch it through to the end, it's worth it.
Things that Tommy Cooper Might Have Said - Bierzo Baggie - 19-03-2009
Naah, can't imagine Tommy Cooper saying half of that
Things that Tommy Cooper Might Have Said - Mid Life Crisis Marathon Man - 28-03-2009
Sweder Wrote:Brilliant - Cooper was the man.
Perhaps one of the few of today's comedians to carry the banner is Ricky Gervais. I'm none too keen on his super-smug stuff (never sure when he's acting) or his fawning and ubiquitous appearances on Rossy. This, however, is, in my humble opinion, genius.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xf3FJXZaYu8
Watch it through to the end, it's worth it.
Agreed, genius!