February

[twittenkitten]

Running. I am running. 

Present continuous = not running as I write this (!) but I am someone who runs. I can’t tell you how much this means and it was Almeria that gave me the final push to get back into it. 

I have been trying to get back into a regular routine with running for over a year now. And bemoaning the fact I’ve been putting on weight for at least that long. I should also say I nearly had a nervous breakdown over work 3 years ago after pushing myself using sheer will power for too long. I frightened myself by reaching my limits (physical & mental) quite spectacularly.  It’s a 3 year journey (and counting!) and a massive relief to be flexing my muscles again.

So what’s different? I last ran in Almeria 4 years ago and I last did any regular running - that is more than once every 3 weeks - round summer 2014, always sub 5k. I’ve dabbled with the Twitten runs in the interim, but always struggled to find a rhythm. I’ve never been athletic - I was always the fat kid who didn’t like sports or games at school. I got into running by sheer force of will back in 2010 and was amazed I could do it. I really thought I wasn’t strong enough, being ‘sporty’ and physical exertion weren’t my thing. And the first thing I thought on Sunday evening was ‘I feel stronger again’. I ran 9k and I’d been trotting around the streets of Almeria on foot that day and the couple before it.

I’ve been fretting for months now about my lack of will power (i.e. I just can’t press on with things that I used to steel myself and do anyway) and my tendency to pick up the slightest cold. I guess losing the stick I beat myself with (bloody minded will power) was a bit of a shock. But ACTUALLY it isn’t that I’m now stronger again, that isn’t the brilliant thing. It’s that I’m willing to take a risk again. 

That’s what training for Almeria helped me figure out. I can have a go, commit to a goal and see how far I get. And I’ll probably find other people who’ll support me if I look around. And it’s okay if I don’t reach the dizzy heights of impressing everyone else around in a 10 mile radius. For the first time in my life, I can take a step back if the mountain I’m heading for is a bit much and say ‘hey guys, not this time. I’ll go half way’ without needing to make myself feel massively ashamed. That was always the fear - I’ll commit to this, I’ll say I’ll do it and then I’ll look stupid either cos I can’t achieve it or my big achievement is nothing compared to what X did running the medio maraton. 

So let me say it here, for my benefit more than anything: Running 9k in Almeria was a huge achievement for me! I achieved my goal of running 9k without slowing to a walk and I’m thrilled.

More on the race itself in the next post.

[Sweder]

Magic, magic, magic!
What an uplifting message, and so true about not beating yourself to death if and when you might not reach a particular goal. Many of us experience those feelings of 'failure' when in reality, just by getting out there, we're winning.
Running is the answer.

More!

[El Gordo]

Well done, TK. It all sounds rather familiar to me too -- making plans but not being able to sustain effort and enthusiasm. Writing about it certainly seems to help, so you're in the right place.

Good luck, and we look forward to hearing more about your reinvention. Hurrah!

[twittenkitten]

Cheers, both, for a very warm reception. Writing about running does seem to be a good thing and reading what other share is brilliant. It reminds me I am not the only fallible human type round here and I don't have to be perfect.

[Mid Life Crisis Marathon Man]

Woot! Great stuff, TK, and yep, we all understand where you're coming from. That's why we gel as a group. Running is simply a way of unravelling all the crap we carry around with us. Time on your feet is what counts, not the distance covered nor the pace you ran at, or even the medals you do or don't collect. Most of us here fall off the running bandwagon from time to time because life does get in the way, but we all agree that running provides a great many cleansing solutions to the shit that gets thrown at us by this crazy world we inhabit. We can't always articulate the benefits that running provides, but we love trying (hence all these blogs) and we know the truth of that fundamental axiomatic catch cry we all use:

Running is the answer.

[Antonio247]

Well done, TK! I'm so glad that coming to Almería to take part at the 9 K gave you motivation to train and you managed to do the race feeling fine after finishing it. Sometimes we are too obsessed with a PB and we don't realise how lucky we are for being able to get to the finish no matter how far away the finish line is. I think that doing sport is very good for our physical and mental health and having little objectives such as taking part in a race helps us be motivated.

Looking forward to reading your report and I hope you keep training so that you can do Almería half marathon next year. 


Saludos desde Almería

[Charliecat5]

It is my hard earned opinion that running is nothing about other people, and everything about other people... it is nothing because ultimately you only ever compete/run against yourself.  And is is everything about other people because those that really matter understand what that means and will do everything they can to help you achieve your goals... help you fight your battles... help you control your demons... and keep a smile on your face whilst you do it.

Almeria was the embodiment of what I mean by this.  What a bunch of loonies we all are... all completely different and all with our own demons we are individually fighting.  From Newbies like me who battle with the uncertainty of how we might be seen and perform... to the old hands who are having to accept that the records they achieved of years past are no longer available to them in the future... yet continue to fight the fight.

It is a great cauldron of personalities, ambitions and uncertainties... but that's what makes running so compelling; and that's why I love spending time with this bunch of loons.   

I look forward to not just reading about your running adventures... but hopefully taking part in a few of them as well.  

CC5 x

[twittenkitten]

Hey, Senior Gato!

Wonderfully, I think we were writing to each other at the same time as I've just posted in your training diary ...

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and yes, It'd be great to have some shared adventures and I'll definitely post about them here

x

[twittenkitten]

Race day. 

I have so many specific, vignette like memories. They are threaded like beads on a string through my mind, each one leading to another but not always in the same order.

I was a little nervous upon waking, but nothing much. Comfortably nervous, if there can be such a thing. Mostly I was observing Joe's mounting anxiety with gentle mirth. His first race, his first proper stint of running since school days. Reminded me of my nervousness when I first ran Almeria 4 years ago. I was nervous then... 

We met up with the others at the NH hotel. Wonderfully got chatting with Suzy who I'd not yet spoken with. Also on the 9K (with Joe & I) it was good to feel part of our own group. I'd been shy of making too big a deal of talking to the people I did't yet know and, honestly,  there hadn't yet been that much time. But it worked to open up and swap notes with Suzy and as she said later: running gives you an instant connection, a reason to get chatting and find more things to chat about :-)

So to the start of the race. Joe spotted Ash, Rob, Duncan, Graham  and Antonio at the back of the MM pack. Along with shouts of good luck and handshakes, Ash leaned in for a proper hug. I later wonder if he knows how much that small gesture means to me? It reminded me I belonged there, in a group I usually feel a fraud to be with, and has stayed with me long since.

The race started uneventfully. I grumbled to myself as Joe sped out ahead. I maintain a really strict discipline with myself of starting slowly and easing into a run. Psychologically I find it much easier to start slower and build up the pace. Yet, I struggle with being on my own at the back and I was among the very slowest at first. Despite being outwardly sanguine and hearty about it, inwardly I find it embarrassing to be one of the slowest. It niggles me to be so visibly slower - weaker even - than the rest. Another reason I've been slow to embrace sports, particularly any kind of exercise community. 

But I know this about myself by now and the pay off was enjoying picking up speed and gently overtaking some of those who'd started fast and slowed down. It is a nice feeling to catch other runners and I allowed myself to feel virtuous for sticking to my plan and it paying off. Amazingly the first 5k went by really quickly, almost without any effort. That is not how it was the first time I did this - I had to struggle for every km. 

This time I enjoyed cruising past other runners and didn't pay much attention to how far I'd got. I clearly remember waving at some children who were on the roof of an apartment block. I think it was just after the split for the 9k and medio maraton. I looked up and was thrilled that people other than the runners were enjoying it. I gave them a big goofy grin and a huge enthusiastic wave. 

Once I got to about 6k it started getting tough, I was tiring. I'd been looking out for Joe's pink shorts and kept getting excited to see a guy with a t-shirt the exact same shade. Somewhere between 6 & 7 k I spotted him and knew I'd catch him. We'd said this would probably happen, but it was still nice to feel vindicated in my slow & steady approach (did I mention I still get sore about being the slowest??) We kept in sight of each other over the last few km. 

I love the bit where we come back to the stadium and run part way round the track and for me it was all sunshine, bright colours and excitement. The orange of the track, the blue of the sky, the feeling of anticipation - this is what it had all been about. Making it here, to the finish in one piece. Ever the romantic, Joe grabbed my hand for the last few hundred yards and we finished the race side by side. I'm glad of it. I wouldn't have even signed up if it hadn't been for Joe's enthusiasm for it.

We caught up with Suzy who'd already completed the 9k and chatted a bit with her, then staked out a spot to see the runners coming into the stadium. Watching for the rest of the team to come in with eager eyes, ready to cheer them on. It's a privilege to have been part of that, to welcome our crew as they head for the finish.

I'm so glad I was there.

[Antonio247]

Well done, TK! Beautiful report. You were very clever going from less to more. I should have followed your strategy. I'm very glad you enjoyed the race and managed to reach Joe and finish together. Congratulations to Joe too on his first race! It's a great honour it's been in my hometown.

Looking forward to meeting you again. I'm sure that if you train regularly you'll manage to do the half marathon next year. 

Saludos desde Almería

[Sweder]

We're very glad you were there, too, especially me, as CC5 dragged my sorry arse onto the finishing track. That cheer was a real tonic. As for hugs, the Lord gave me long arms, hugging is what I do best. It's good to know they are so well received.
Looking forward to 2018 already!

[twittenkitten]

It has been a quiet week on the running front as I've injured my ankle and walking has been painful. I, reluctantly, decided to give myself a bit of a rest and I am missing running.

However ... to keep my promise to myself (and Sweder) about allowing myself to just write without editing, I've sat and wrote about the two times I've been out since Almeria and pre sore ankle. I just had to save them til after I'd finally written my Almeria race report. Can't have posts out of chronology. It makes sense in my head. 

Anyway, last two runs. One on Thurs 9th Feb, one on Mon 13th. Hoping to try another tomorrow or Wednesday.

************************* 
Thurs 9th Feb - The hills are alive ... 

   

Tough going. I had to stop and walk, then run, then walk. I was embarrassed by myself, by how slow I was and how much the hill was owning my sorry arse. Thankful I was alone so I could just listen to my body. As it protested strenuously ;-)

And that was ok. I ran, I walked, I ran, I walked. I huffed and puffed. My pace slowed to 9mins per KM, then even slower. But the views were fab and I was warm despite the cold air. It wasn’t all bad. Just kinda bad.

Down again was easier, though it felt like cheating. 

‘What, you mean I get to run without having to fight for each breath?’ Then with each slight rise, before my eyes could clock it, having the fish out of water feeling once again.

I tacked on a bit more on a flatter loop once I reached the bottom of the hill and it felt like some kind of normality. 

‘Oh yes, I can run, I do run. I’m just really out of shape and I prefer not to witness myself finding it tough’.

Ah. That is the thing that’s changed. I’m no longer so terrified of watching myself, experiencing myself struggling. Still not up for anyone else seeing it, but I guess I can work on that.

[Charliecat5]

‘Oh yes, I can run, I do run. I’m just really out of shape and I prefer not to witness myself finding it tough’.

Ah. That is the thing that’s changed. I’m no longer so terrified of watching myself, experiencing myself struggling. Still not up for anyone else seeing it, but I guess I can work on that.

I remember years ago walking down the south bank of the Thames in those heady days I like to call my Fat Years... when I overtook at a walking pace a rather ample lady running along (slowly).   I kept ambling along for a while with a snigger on my face when I suddenly pulled up sharp.  I had a realisation that she was getting up every morning and running.  She is the one who achieved the most difficult step of all - the first one out of the door.  She was the winner here, not me.

That moment has stuck with me ever since... 

You're running... that's all.   If it isn't tough then you're not trying.  Those that care for you, love you for just getting out there and having an adventure.  By the way - I am not comparing you to the lady I passed (by any stretch of the imagination - or in her case Lycra).  

By the way - where is that hill in the picture the route up to Malling Down?

[Mid Life Crisis Marathon Man]

Bad luck about the ankle, TK ... get better soon. And keep writing!

[twittenkitten]

Bad luck about the ankle, TK ... get better soon. And keep writing!

Thanks MLCMM The ankle will mend and thank you for the encouragement on both running and writing. I will keep doing both!

[Antonio247]

What a pity you injured your ankle, TK! Get better soon and take it easy!

Looking forward to reading about your training. Best of luck! ¡Suerte!

[twittenkitten]

By the way - where is that hill in the picture the route up to Malling Down?

Haha, thank you for sharing that memory CC5, that will stick in my mind now    

A timely reminder that getting out and doing it is the thing. I am going to try going out tomorrow - first time in over a week - and see how my ankle holds up.

The photo is the path up Malling Down that I get to from my front door. I live near the A26, a few minutes further up from the petrol station. There is a point where you can cross the A26 and pass through a narrow gap in a railing on the road (not at all hairy!) and go up some steps, or maybe a grassy/muddy ramp that the dilapidated railing goes along. Head up the muddy path by the side of the houses and a sharp right as the trees open out takes you through a gate and to the bottom of that hill.

[twittenkitten]

I went out to take my new trainers for a spin on Friday, after 10 days or so of giving my ankle an easier time of it.

I wanted to get out in the last of the light - having done all the other things required of me that day I ventured out at 5:30ish and I was rewarded by catching the sunset. I love the way bare trees are silhouettes in front of a finely graded sky from blue down to yellow (sometimes also pink) at sunset at this time of year. Criss-cross floaty clouds still pale from the sun are an added bonus. Getting out for a run really did feel like a reward, a bit of time just for me.

   

I took it easily along the cycle path to Ringmer to test my ankle. I will tell you now, it was sore and I was limping a bit all evening, but it was worth it to get out in to the fresh air. I love feeling the cold air on my face - I so rarely get cold while I am running it is a wonderful contrast.

The most heart-stopping part of the run was the fright I got from a pheasant that launched itself into the air as if from a comedy canon. I clearly frightened it more than it frightened me as it exploded from the shubbery at the side of the path as I came in range all noise, bulk and feathers. I imagine them, sitting quietly and still as they hear something approaching just hoping it will go away, hoping, hoping until they can bear it no longer and suddenly have to noisily panic. I'm not even sure how they get airborne. I watched it for a bit and then carried on, heart rate elevated from where it had been.

It certainly made a change from frightening the local flock of goldfinches, who were nowhere to be seen.

The rest of the run was uneventful, my main finding being that my running shorts felt a bit more loose than usual which I have taken unequivocally to mean my arse must be reducing in size. Hurrah! A good part of my newly found motivation to run regularly is that I want to lose weight so this is good news. It is also a scientifically proven fact* that I lose bulk from my bum first, before the more obvious tummy & hips.

So I finished my run feeling pretty good about life in general and just as the light was truly slipping away into dusk. Next up, trying the hill again.

*based on observation by male housemates in previous times. They certainly had an air about them that bespoke long study and close observance ...