Tale

[Ana]

An Australian called MLCM, an Irishman called Glaconman and an Englishman called Andy Ashley were sitting in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar; a man. The three men kept looking over at this other man, for he seemed somewhat familiar.
They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before, when suddenly the Irishman cried out, "My God, I know who that man is! It's Jesus!"
The others looked again and, sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table.
The Irishman call out, "Hey, you!!! Are you Jesus?"
The man looks over at him, smiles a small smile and nods his head.
"Yes, I am Jesus," he replies.
The Irishman calls the bartender over and says to him "I'd like you to give Jesus over there a pint of Guinness from me."
So the bartender pours Jesus a Guinness and takes it over to his table. Jesus looks over, raises his glass to the men, smiles a thank you and drinks up.
The Englishman then calls out, "Errr, excuse me, Sir, but would you be Jesus?"
Jesus smiles and replies, "Yes, I am Jesus."
The Englishman then beckons to the bartender and tells him to send over a pint of Newcastle Brown Ale for Jesus, which the bartender duly does. As before, Jesus accepts the drink and smiles over at the men.
Then the Australian calls out, "Oi, you! D'ya reckon you're Jesus, or what?"
Jesus nods and says, "Yes, I am Jesus."
The Australian is mightily impressed and has the bartender send over a pot of ice cold VB for Jesus, which he accepts with pleasure.
Some time later, after finishing the drinks, Jesus rises from his seat and approaches the three men.
He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement. "Oh God, the arthritis is gone," he says. "The arthritis I've had for years has disappeared. It's a miracle!"
Jesus then shakes the hand of the Englishman, thanking him for the Newcastle Brown Ale. Upon letting go, the Englishman's eyes widen in shock. "By Jove", he exclaims," that migraine that's plagued me for over 40 years has vanished completely. It's a miracle!"
Jesus then turns to the Australian whose face shows sheer, unadulterated reflects terror."
"Oi! Bugger off, mate. I'm on Compo!!"

[Mid Life Crisis Marathon Man]

An Australian, a Kiwi and South African are in a bar one night having a beer. All of a sudden the South African downs his beer, throws his glass in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to smithereens. "In Seth Efrika our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice," he says.

The Kiwi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. "Wull mate, in Noo Zulland we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out the same glass either," he says.

The Australian, cool as a koala, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the South African and the Kiwi. He turns to the astonished barman and says; "In Ozstrailya mate, we have so many bloody South Africans and Kiwis that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice."

[Sweder]

A Kiwi sheep farmer had a visit from a distant Australian cousin. They took a tour of the property when the came upon a Ewe with her head stuck in the fence. The Kiwi slammed on the brakes and jumped out of the pick-up, yelling
'Can't pass up an opportunity like this!'
He promptly commits an indecent act on the stranded sheep and returns to the vehicle grinning like a loon, saying to the Aussie
'OK Mate, your turn.'

The Aussie whoops for joy, jumps out of the truck, pulls his pants down . . .
. . . and sticks his head in the fence.


It's a very very old joke but worth telling one more time just for MLCMan's pleasure . . .

[Mid Life Crisis Marathon Man]

There are several factual errors in your story, Sweder:

1) They aren't "pick-ups", they're "utes".
2) Aussies do not "whoop".
3) They are not called "pants", they are "strides".

Sheesh :mad:

Speaking of old stories, hadn't heard this one for a while:

Q: What's the difference between a Scotsman and a coconut?


A: You can get a drink out of a coconut.




( Well it always gets a laugh around these parts. )