Ashes 4th Test

[Mid Life Crisis Marathon Man]

Oh dear oh dear oh dear.

Any optimism I previously held for the England side has now vanished. That was a terrible performance!

What I will say though is how wonderful the thousands of English supporters have been here. They really have given a lift to the game and are truly great supporters with a wonderful sense of humour and great sporting spirit. They poke fun at us and themselves, but give cricketers on both sides appropriate kudos as it is deserved. Tremendous fun, and great for the game.

As for the England team, what do you do now? Freddy keeps saying they need to win a match, but how? I can't see anything changing for the 5th test... it's all over. Australia have now won all 10 test matches that they've played this year - they've got the talent, the belief, and the home crowd advantage. For England to win in Sydney, they'll need Vaughn, Trescothick and Simon Jones all fit and match-ready, and that simply isn't going to happen. Mahmood showed some promise this match, but he and Hoggard can't carry the under-done Flintoff and Harmison. And in the batting department Pieterson is now looking vulnerable, Strauss just can't quite get it together, and Collingwood is proving flaky under pressure. Read showed some toughness, but hardly enough to carry the top order...

Meanwhile, the Aussie bowling attack looks fantastic. Four bowlers all bowling at their best simultaneously makes them extremely formidable - much like the West Indies in their 1970s prime, albeit not as fast of course. And the batting has such depth that, as they proved, you can have them 5 down for 80-odd, and they still go on to make 400+. Tricky.

All I can say is, good luck.

But thanks for the Barmy Army - they've been really great.

[Sweder]

At last our cunning plan is revealed; to remove any prospect of a sporting contest and so thwart the fee-paying Australian public. Bravo Freddie and Co, a masterplan perfectly executed.

It's hard to assess if Australia have been awesome or England woeful. I suspect the answer lies in between, perhaps edging towards the Green and Gold for what has been a spectacularly collaborative effort. Similarly England's boys have huddled together . . . apparently in the dark recesses of the dressing room as their Mastermind Dunkin Dunc 'Fletch' Fletcher scours the room for the only hand-writted copy of his own Final Solution for the Aussie batsmen.

The true sadness is there is nothing left to look forward to in Sydney.
As you say the Barmy Army seem to have balanced raucous support with respect and tact, enhancing the spectacle much to the chagrin of the mean administrators who managed to thwart their efforts in the first two tests.

Listening to the missives filed by Messrs Agnew, Pougach et al each morning I sense a strange sort of de-mob madness begining to blossom amongst the BBC team. It can only be a matter of days before one of these esteemed broadcasters takes up the mic 'three sheets' to regale us with a brutally honest, spittle-flecked appraisal of the most dissappointing sporting event since Colin Moynaham tried to toss the caber at the Highland Games. Equally there is more than a tinge of regret in the voice of that great Antipodean commentator Jim Maxwell. I'm sure Gentleman Jim is revelling in the dominance of the home team, but like many of us would have preferred a contest.

Hey ho and on we go. At least here in jolly old England we have the sight of a squirming Chelsea manager to warm our cockles. John Terry under the knife, 'Sheva' unable to locate a bovine posterior with an acoustic guitar and the sight of Lord Ferg dancing red-nosed in the snow. Heh heh.

[El Gordo]

Hey ho and on we go. At least here in jolly old England we have the sight of a squirming Chelsea manager to warm our cockles. John Terry under the knife, 'Sheva' unable to locate a bovine posterior with an acoustic guitar and the sight of Lord Ferg dancing red-nosed in the snow. Heh heh.

One wonders what our Australian cousin(s) must make of that.

On the other, more painful, subject, I turn to an unlikely source, the wonderful International Herald Tribune to sum up my own view:

[INDENT]After losing to England last year, Australia reasserted its international hegemony with a combination of brilliance and relentlessness none could resist. That the much-anticipated Ashes rematch had been an anticlimax owed something to English inadequacies, but more to an extraordinary Australian team reaching fresh heights.[/INDENT]

Believe it or not, I don't think England have played that badly. Much has been said about their attitude, but it was only in the 4th test that I started to sense their heads dropping. Up till now, I think they've gone about the task as best they could, but unfortunately their best hasn't been good enough.

This isn't intended to be a criticism of England. We're a team of triers and even a team of reasonably talented cricketers but.... but there seems to be something not quite right about the way we organise ourselves... but an even bigger but, previously mentioned by most of us who take an interest... Australia are a side at the height of their collective powers at the moment. In true English fashion, we should at some point doff our caps to what is, undoubtedly, a great cricket team; one that'll be talked about alongside the fabulous West Indian sides of the late 70s and through the 80s.

That said, it's pretty obvious to me that had the secret bowling plans of the England team not been stolen and circulated amongst the Australian team management, the story could have been quite different.