New Definitions

[Sweder]

The Washington Post ran a fun competition this week.
Readers were encouraged to provide new definitions for existing words . . .

Abdicate - to lose any hope of having a flat stomach
Flabbergasted - to be amazed at how much weight you've put on
Porqupine - a deceased pig you were very fond of
Vanish - like a van

Come on, don't be bashful . . .

[Mid Life Crisis Marathon Man]

I don't know about new meanings for existing words, but I did make some up some new words for a similar local competition:

bioxymoron, n. A double-barrelled oxymoron, as in “Defence Intelligence Organisation" or "Veteran Runners Society".

hallucinopiscalism, n. An illusional state in which there is a tendency to believe one’s own fishing stories.

raptitude, n. A natural tendency or acquired capacity for knocking on doors.

[Sweder]

I like Raptitude.

A couple more . . .
Bicycle - an icicle that swings both ways
Campervan - the more effeminate of two travelling vehicles

[Sweder]

Catatonic - either a) an elexir for poorly felines or b) a rather sick warm-weather drink served in Korea (with ice and lemon)

Sorry, but I really like these

[El Gordo]

sprognosis - prediction of pregnancy.