January 2008

[Sweder]

I slept through the alarm this morning having sat up half the night to watch the finest sports team in the world match their awesome test-winning streak.

Oh dear. No sooner had the words left my fingertips than the so-called toughest team in world sport developed the sensitivities of Miss Dashwood. The inventors of modern sledging are wailing and gnashing their teeth over remarks made my an Indian cricketer after, it should be said, the recipient not only failed to walk having been blatantly caught behind (and not given by the inept official) but proceeded to smirk about it in his post-match interview. Even the redoubtable Aussie press are turning on their own, claiming that Ponting's all-conquering side are joyless, devoid of the joie de vivre that infused great sides of the past. Some will argue that racism in any form should be ground into the dirt, that Ponting was entirely right to lodge a formal complaint and bring this ugly matter to the fore. Personally I fear the biter has been bit and he don't like it, not one bit. I don't remember Ponting leaping up to condemn a team mate (Hayden?) for referring to the Sri Lankans as 'black c***s' not so long ago. That was in the heat of battle, as was this recent offence. Pots and kettles anyone?

And whilst we're on the subject of hypocrisy we see the Indian team threatening all sorts of action unless an umpire (who it should be acknowledged had a simply horrible second test) is stood down from the next match. Is it not the absurd, hysterical appealing born on the sub-continent that now sees test umpires cowering like beaten dogs, frightened to make a decision lest the least mistake be re-run ad nauseum on screens all around the ground? What is with these holier-than-though nations who take mortal humbrage at the first hint of implied criticism. Copped the rough edge of a decision or two? One of your chaps taken it upon himself to cheat or racially abuse an opponent? Play the Righteous Indignation card and threaten to take your bat and ball home. It worked for Pakistan in England and so it shall for India in Australia. Reap what you sew, folks; the fine traditions of sportsmanship and honour on the field of sporting battle are headed for hell in a handbasket.

With the phenominal rise in 20-20 in the financial stronghold of India and the intrusion of cameras and microphones in every conceivable nook and cranny we may be amongst the last to witness test cricket as we know and (some of us) love it. That might induce some jubilant crowing from over Seaford way but it would be a cause for great sadness in these parts.

You heard it here first.