July

[Sweder]

Managed a weak-legged struggle around the locale this morning, a bullying squall offering uncalled-for pugnacity. I pondered the nature of bitter Scotsmen as I struggled along. Last night Radio 5 hosted a phone-in on the 2012 Olympics. OK they served up a dolly, asking for people to call in from all corners of the UK to 'let off steam' about the 'London-centric' games. Still, I could have won a sizeable bet that the first caller would be from north of the border and doubled my winnings by guessing he or she wouldn't be terribly positive.

The Olympics are in London. Get over it.
You have to be good-sized city to bid, not a tin-pot backwater filled with druggies and obese benefit fraudsters.

The caller wanted to know what the Olympics were 'going to do for Inverness.' Well, not much frankly, unless business residents of that parrish want to get up of their tartan-clad buttocks and tender for some of the 75,000 yet-to-be-awarded contracts associated with the project. Seb Coe and Tessa Jowell did their best to placate him but for me they were too meally-mouthed. What do people want? Perhaps MLCMan can enlighten us - did the Aussies whine and cry about Sydney getting the games? I suppose they did; but come on, it's the bloody Olympic Games you miserable bastards. There's not much happening down my way either but I have to say I've been pretty excited ever since Seb's tear-jerker of a speech and that wonderful Jacques Rogge announcement in Singapore. There's a real push to elevate sport in schools, and a notable buzz amongst young athletes in all quarters. The costs are escalating. OK, not great, but that's always going to happen when core costs - such as fuel - have doubled since the announcement.

The whining continued. "According to what I've heard a 'large percentage' of National Lottery funding is being diverted from local projects to support the Olympics." This isn't news to me; the lottery was stated as a source of funding from the outset. If you don't like it don't buy a ticket. Politicians are obliged to be careful - Lord Coe continued to offer calm, rational answers long after I'd have outed the sweaty sock as a killjoy before asking him what his weekly intake of fags, booze and dodgy pies was and how he felt that would impact on NHS resources.

More often than not, and this applies to phone-ins in general, bitter, disenfranchised Jocks get on the horn (at the license payer's expense) to mewl and bleat about how utterly unfair it is that London gets this or Westminster controls that. Weena-weena-weena, it's not fair, youse owes me a livin' . . . They've got their own parliament and look what a cracking success that's turning out to be.

There's all measure of advantages to living and working in Scotland, in healthcare, in education, local government taxation, employment benefit . . . but they're not happy. It's time to lance this festering boil, let them live off their own resources and see how they like it. I'm tired of sending a percentage of my hard-earned into their coffers so they can get free adult education or free dental care. Let them fund (and relocate) their small army of junkies and ne'er-do-wells who flop about our town and city centres clutching cans of Special Brew, juggling their eyeballs from one socket to the other whilst begging for smokes.

Whilst I'm on a roll they can have Andy Murray back as well. He's so far off the pace he's definitely not British. Naff off, creep. And all those bile-ridden political commentators, pundits and program hosts. Christ, they'll have to launch another four TV channels just to cope with Nicky Campbell's diarrhoetic output, never mind Andrew Neil and the thousands of other celtic drivellers flooding our airwaves. Oh, and Politicians; there's loads of them down here. One in particular that springs to mind, a large, dour bloke who I'm reliably informed sleeps on his back due to his unique ability to only f*ck up.

Lothian question? Darned right I'm loathin'em.

Dick

[SIZE="1"]Littlejohn is here all this week. Sweder is having a rest[/SIZE]