No! No! November...

[El Gordo]

Shocked and stunned I was. And not just a little bit amazed too. I saw a bloke on the train last night: he was fresh from the gym (as evidenced by the sweat, sports bag and body odour) and he looked the eptiome of health, except that he proceeded to offend everyone around him by eating a big container of dry, plain alfalfa sprouts! I mean, talk about giving health and fitness a bad rap... As soon as I got home I had to have a couple of beers and a plate of lasagna to recover.

Does this happen in your part of the world, or have I stumbled upon the precinct of shameless alfalfa eaters??

Please send shock-assuaging alcoholic medications to MLC Man, c/o The Funny Farm, Chaufont.

Maybe it's something to do with railways, as my experience occurred at Paddington Station in London last year. While waiting disconsolately for a train, I couldn't help noticing a girl next to me eating the contents of a large supermarket bag of prepacked salad leaves, exactly like someone chomping through a bag of crisps.

She was quite thin.