February

[twittenkitten]

Running. I am running. 

Present continuous = not running as I write this (!) but I am someone who runs. I can’t tell you how much this means and it was Almeria that gave me the final push to get back into it. 

I have been trying to get back into a regular routine with running for over a year now. And bemoaning the fact I’ve been putting on weight for at least that long. I should also say I nearly had a nervous breakdown over work 3 years ago after pushing myself using sheer will power for too long. I frightened myself by reaching my limits (physical & mental) quite spectacularly.  It’s a 3 year journey (and counting!) and a massive relief to be flexing my muscles again.

So what’s different? I last ran in Almeria 4 years ago and I last did any regular running - that is more than once every 3 weeks - round summer 2014, always sub 5k. I’ve dabbled with the Twitten runs in the interim, but always struggled to find a rhythm. I’ve never been athletic - I was always the fat kid who didn’t like sports or games at school. I got into running by sheer force of will back in 2010 and was amazed I could do it. I really thought I wasn’t strong enough, being ‘sporty’ and physical exertion weren’t my thing. And the first thing I thought on Sunday evening was ‘I feel stronger again’. I ran 9k and I’d been trotting around the streets of Almeria on foot that day and the couple before it.

I’ve been fretting for months now about my lack of will power (i.e. I just can’t press on with things that I used to steel myself and do anyway) and my tendency to pick up the slightest cold. I guess losing the stick I beat myself with (bloody minded will power) was a bit of a shock. But ACTUALLY it isn’t that I’m now stronger again, that isn’t the brilliant thing. It’s that I’m willing to take a risk again. 

That’s what training for Almeria helped me figure out. I can have a go, commit to a goal and see how far I get. And I’ll probably find other people who’ll support me if I look around. And it’s okay if I don’t reach the dizzy heights of impressing everyone else around in a 10 mile radius. For the first time in my life, I can take a step back if the mountain I’m heading for is a bit much and say ‘hey guys, not this time. I’ll go half way’ without needing to make myself feel massively ashamed. That was always the fear - I’ll commit to this, I’ll say I’ll do it and then I’ll look stupid either cos I can’t achieve it or my big achievement is nothing compared to what X did running the medio maraton. 

So let me say it here, for my benefit more than anything: Running 9k in Almeria was a huge achievement for me! I achieved my goal of running 9k without slowing to a walk and I’m thrilled.

More on the race itself in the next post.