Running in North America 2 - Montreal

[Sweder]

I'm a reasonable guy. Happy go lucky, roll with the punches, never get too heated about anything much. But I have a complaint, a rant if you will, and it is one echoed by travellers the world over.

Hotel showers. What's the hot-dang, dogone deal?
No two are alike, they are deliberately designed to frustrate the most adept fan of the Krypton factor, and they are absolutely dedicated to making sure you leave your room late, burned, frozen or unwashed.

In this day and age, when politicians are bemoaning the ease with which each generation breezes through exams, surely the toughest test on the planet is the Degree in Hotel Shower Management.

How to handle a new hotel shower:
1. Wake at least 30 minutes before shower required
2. Attempt to locate 'on/off' and 'hot/cold' controls
3. Operate assumed controls in the manner you surmise to be correct
4. Find the plug and empty the partly-run bath and start again
5. Now that the water is coming from the shower-head, adjust temperature controls to 'medium'
6. Remove apparel/ towel/ smoking jacket and climb into shower
7. Exit shower rapidly to avoid scalding/ freezing to death. Keep voice down as you emit string of expletives - it's still early
8. Adjust temperature controls (I know the settings look all wrong, but just look at the nasty heat-rash blooming on your chest) and return to shower

At this juncture the smart amongst you will get on with it and have your shower. Or, as some always must, you can fiddle with the water spray settings on the showerhead (unless you're in the former Soviet Union, in which case you should leave the mouldy hosepipe alone).

I could go on ad nauseum about waterflow (you either have to run around in the bath to get wet or harness yourself to the wall to prevent expulsion through the side of the building), but I can sense your will to live looking for the exit. Suffice to say I managed to accrue a good number of the above post-run; at least the longer run tomorrow is possible - I took the precaution of making notes.

Merde! Ill plus!