Plagiarists Corner

[Sweder]

By Dave Woods
BBC Sport in Christchurch

How do you know when a plane load of Aussies has just arrived? When the engines have stopped, you can still hear the whining.
And, boy, have the Aussies whined since we've been here.

It's sometimes nice to thank your hosts for a warm welcome - it would just be nice to find a few Aussies who actually provided one.

Take Tommy Raudonikis, for example. No, please, do take him. Raudonikis is a former coach of New South Wales.
The four-time Kangaroo tourist writes a column in a local newspaper and, by way of welcome to the visiting English cricketers and rugby league players, writes: "I'm still wondering what we've done to deserve having to put up with Pommy bastards twice in one year.

"It's gone from a whingeing solo to a bloody chorus of complaint.
We cannot stand idle and let their pitiful strains drown us out on Saturday night. Not to howl down those whining mongrels would be akin to letting them microwave your beer and serve it to you warm."

He later refers to Prince Charles as a "big, goofy wing nut."
All of which is best read in a gravelly Aussie accent whilst sipping four XXXX and swatting flies from around your head. Nice to meet you too, Tommy.