AVP: Requiem

[Sweder]

AVP (Alien versus Predator)2 DVD landed on the mat this morning. I'd forgotten that during a drunken ramble through Amazon I must've pre-ordered it. I went ahead and watched it tonight. Why do I do it?

All the expected Alien franchise nods were there; the grease-smeared musclebound Ripley-lite (survives, natch) complete with dysfunctional daughter, herself a pale facsimile of Aliens' excellent Newt; a bloke named Dallas (in reference to the original); jittery marines, unscrupulous military high command, Weyland Yutani, chest bursters, acid for blood . . . and all the sadly anticipated tripe, too. Instantaneous gestation, acid-immune central characters, complete lack of discernable narrative, quease-inducing rollercoaster cinematography, almost-characters for whom one felt nothing (not even contempt) and a high percentage of pitch black screen that even in the highest definition equipment left the watcher . . . well, in the dark really. The 'twist' was about as well disguised as a Paul Scholes tackle and the final scenes of disposable townsfolk in mass panic reminded me of the finale to Gremlins, a vastly superior and infinitely more terrifying motion picture.

I swore blind I wouldn't watch any more of this tripe after suffering the first AVP.
It seems my mother was right; I really will never learn.

Verdict: utter tosh.

[El Gordo]

Sweder old chap... I really have no idea what you're talking about, although it still managed to entertain me.

[Sweder]

Sorry! AVP = Alien versus Predator.
How luck you are EG

[Seafront Plodder]

You must have been extremely drunk when you ordered that. I too am a fan of the Alien franchise....well the first 2, and the original Predator wasn't too bad for an Arnie film.

But this was utter crape. Lucky man El G.

[Mid Life Crisis Marathon Man]

Alien *****
Aliens ****
Alien 3 **
Alien Resurrection *
AVP **
AVP2 *

[El Gordo]

Man, there's a whole other universe out there.

And I'm not talking about the planet the 'aliens' come from.

[Sweder]

Alien *****
Aliens ****
Alien 3 **
Alien Resurrection *
AVP **
AVP2 *

Spot on. Alien 3 would get another star if Fincher had been given free reign and been allowed to tell the whole story . . . but enough already.
Resurrection deserves a split vote: three stars for the first 90 minutes, bugger all for the last half hour.
I guess AVP 2 gets the single star for turning up though with the wound fresh and deep I resent it . . .

Incidentally EG, Alien 3 featured several reknowned British thesps, including Brian Glover, Paul McCann, Charles Dance, Pete Postlethwaite and one Mr. Ralph Brown, recently featured on the Withnail & I R4 special.
It's a small world after all