An Absence (Partly) Explained

[Mid Life Crisis Marathon Man]

A couple of you have been kind enough to inquire after my well-being during my somewhat prolonged absence of late, for which I thank you, and I apologise for my lack of communication. I am well, generally, but I have taken something of a Sabbatical from running for a while (now over). Sometimes a combination of events which by themselves are of no particular significance, occur simultaneously and push one in an unexpected direction. As it happened, my having to pull out of my marathon training some weeks back coincided with the tragic death of our dear friend Moyleman, and combined with some local issues here I found myself quite suddenly totally out of love with running.


However, I have been planning my return... strange though it is to think that it needs any kind of "plan". Never-the-less, sometimes it takes a definitive course of action to get things back to normal. Today has been another of those unavoidable medical days: cardiologist in the morning (of which I will talk more later), and then the dentist in the early afternoon, after which it was my intention to spend some time catching up on the news here, not the least of which was EG's remarkable Boston triumph. This now done, it's time to re-enter the fray.


Which brings me to my own running: I started this lark about 6 years ago. During that time I have covered much ground and run a modest number of races. But I've also started several marathon campaigns and have failed to finish the training for each and every one of them. Usually this was caused by illness or injury, but this year saw me fit and healthy and (thanks to doctors, my physiotherapist and especially two podiatrists) I was in the best running form of my life. I could run a half marathon with relative ease, and was doing so regularly. If there was ever going to be a time for marathon success, this seemed to be it. Annoyingly, it was not be. In the end I succumbed to sheer exhaustion - my life away from running was more hectic than I acknowledged, and in the end my body just said "Enough!" At that moment when I abandoned my scheduled long run after 16km, I lay down and immediately fell asleep on the ground, to wake up some half hour later believing, I think sincerely, that in fact I would never run a marathon. Now, many weeks later, I still feel that to be true. Which is of course not to suggest that I will quit running altogether, but I have had enough of trying and failing at the full distance.


EG once wrote a piece about hope and failure which struck me with its truth: he said that it wasn't failure that destroyed us so much, but hope - hope for things we wish for but can never have. My failure at the full distance doesn't actually disturb me so much as the frustration and futility of desiring it. After all, aborted marathon training is hardly failure - I still covered my miles and gained a level of fitness I had never before attained. There were so many positives that I refuse to see it as "failure" as such. But the thought that I may yet again be grabbed by a kind of marathon wanderlust and so repeat the cycle of futility *is* depressing.


If I make any resolutions concerning my running from here on, it is simply this: to enjoy my running and not get so fixated on major goals that require as much dedication as marathon training that it comes into major conflict with other areas of life and living. That said, I still need goals to properly motivate myself - at the end of the day, it's still a difficult activity requiring a lot of effort, after all. A modicum of discipline is needed. I'm not the kind of person who wakes up in the morning and aches to get out there running. I need to ease my way into things: I require momentum, and once that momentum is lost, overcoming inertia becomes as much of a challenge as the run itself.


However, two things are really spurring me on now. The first is that Mrs MLCM has just entered her first race! She has been tremendously inspiring this year, really taking her fitness seriously and certainly putting me to shame. She has worked tirelessly in the gym and covered many kilometres in the streets and has signed up for a 12km fun run in September. As this is her first race I've resolved (work permitting) to enter with her. It's a good race, and one I ran back in 2004, shortly before ending up in the cardiac ward of the local hospital, which brings me to the second thing spurring me on...


This morning I went to a highly respected cardiologist and had him prod and poke and wire me up to machines and do all the things that these white-coated specialists do for an enormous fee. The result was a qualified "you're OK, but...". My heart is mostly fine, but my genetic make up and familial history together with dodgy blood test results makes me a reasonably likely candidate for coronary trouble in the future. Hence the need to keep running! If I'm to outwit the genetic cards I've been dealt, then I need to keep running and to stop getting bogged down in self pity parties about marathon failures.


So I'm back once again. I won't be targeting marathons any time soon, but I aim to get properly fit again, run the odd race here and there, but above all have fun with it.

I know the running will be fun. But getting even more serious about the diet will be more of a challenge. Ah well, c'est la vie.

[Sweder]

Welcome back mate.

[El Gordo]

I require momentum, and once that momentum is lost, overcoming inertia becomes as much of a challenge as the run itself.

I can certainly relate to that sentiment. It's where I am at the moment, mojo-less. The good thing about my recent downward spiral (am a full 15 pounds heavier than I was in Boston) is that I know I'm near the bottom now, and this is when I will start all over again.

Great to hear from you MLCM, and am now feeling bad about not posting the message I kept telling myself I should to enquire after you.

Very interesting what you say about the marathon. I understand all that. Something I eventually cut out of my Boston report, because I thought it a bit too mawkish, recalled thinking about 3 people a lot during the race. The first two -- my mother and Moyleman -- were people who died during the lead-up to the race. The third person I kept thinking about was you, and recalling how disappointed you were not to make this time around. I knew you found that painful, and I suspect being an Aussie makes it worse. You guys like to paint things in black and white -- success and failure -- and I knew you thought of your forced abandonment of the training as a failure. That's impressive in a way, but I vehemently reject the sentiment.

Training for a marathon is a major chunk of time you need to find. I'm lucky. I work from home a lot, and with the co-operation of my boss, was able to rejig my hours when necessary to go out for a run pretty much whenever I pleased. Later in the schedule, when I was having injury worries, I was able to spend a couple of hours in the gym or at the sports therapist when I needed to. You didn't have that luxury. If I'd had to be out at work all day, I'd not have made it to Boston.

Don't write off your chances of doing a marathon. All I'll say is don't go looking for it. The marathon will come and find you when you're ready and able. In the meantime, do what you're doing: learn to enjoy the freedom it affords you, and the personal space it creates. In the manic job you do, this is all important.

Great news about Mrs MLCM. I'm looking forward to hearing about your joint adventures.

Good to have you back.

(Hmm. Though on reflection, is it a coincidence that you pop up just before the start of the Ashes? . Grrr. Clever git, taking a ringside seat for the Aussie gloat-fest to come.... )

[glaconman]

Glory. My daily antipodean puja can now recommence.

Glad you're back on the trail MLCM.

[Mid Life Crisis Marathon Man]

Thanks guys - I tested myself this arvo with a tough little 5km tempo run and surprised myself by handling it in very smart fashion, including a last kilometre at better than race pace.

Hmm, maybe my fitness hasn't waned as much as I'd feared.

[marathondan]

Great to see you back MLCM! It's been kinda quiet around here.

[Bierzo Baggie]

Ha Ha Hee hee
The return of the crisis man
You've had more come backs than... err, you wouldn't know Tommy Docherty would you?

Welcome back

[Antonio247]

I´m really glad you´re back here and doing sport again, MLCM.

Don´t worry about the marathon. The important thing is to feel like going for a run and enjoy. As the Chinese proverb more or less says : "the longest journey starts with a step". You should take advantage of your wife´s interest in running and go with her whenever you can. It´s good to set little goals together.

I haven´t been for a run for more than a month in spite of not being injured. I don´t feel like it. I prefer going for a ride on my mountain bike or going for a walk. Anyway, I´m feeling like going for a run soon.

Best of luck!

[Mid Life Crisis Marathon Man]

Thanks for all the comments, my rellow RC-ers. It's nice to be back in the running shorts again, and I've celebrated with three cracking runs this week. None of them earth-shattering, certainly: nor were any longer than 5km, but 3 testing little sessions they were, incorporating intervals, hills and a good tempo run. These short sessions are really all I need - great for fitness, good for building speed and not nearly so hard to fit into a busy schedule as the 25km long runs I was doing a few weeks back. These can be slotted in almost as an after-thought. You can simply "pop out" for a quick run as you feel inclined, rather than having to organise your entire day around it; and motivation is hardly an issue, as they are really quite simple.

So, for the time being they will suit me just fine. There will still be some structure to it as I get ready for a 12km race in September - I'd like to be better my previous time of 1h09m in 2004, and that will take some effort for sure, as I was a lot faster back then, but with some emphasis on the speed training I can perhaps do it.

I'm enjoying new delights as I traverse new ground in a new region of Sydney for me - maybe not quite as colourful as this pic suggests, but some interesting places to run in, even so.

On on!

[Mid Life Crisis Marathon Man]

... err, you wouldn't know Tommy Docherty would you?

Oh yes, I remember Mr D hauling ManU up into the stratosphere in the mid 70s. Later of course he spent some seasons coaching here in Australia and made a helluva splash. Could barely keep him out the papers, so yes, we know him well over here! ... and which serves to remind me to have a parochial gloat as Australia again qualifies for the World Cup, this time doing so in fine style.

And while I can't gloat over Australia's recent form in the world of cricket, I can at least have a bit of a chuckle at England's embarrassment at the hands of the Netherlands. Tempered somewhat by the knowledge that we too have been beaten by the lowly clog-wearers, the difference being that we at least were beaten in Holland, and not at the home of cricket.



As for our chances in the test series... well put it this way: I won't be putting any money on either side.

[Bierzo Baggie]

I was of course making a dreadful hash of my metaphors... the original quote was about having more clubs than Jack Nicklaus and it was said by Tommy Docherty! ... durrr. Anyway, you probably wondered what I was on about...

These short sessions are really all I need - great for fitness, good for building speed and not nearly so hard to fit into a busy schedule as the 25km long runs I was doing a few weeks back. These can be slotted in almost as an after-thought. You can simply "pop out" for a quick run as you feel inclined, rather than having to organise your entire day around it; and motivation is hardly an issue, as they are really quite simple.

These sound like the sort of runs I enjoy most. Quick bursts, spur of the moment activities.. it'll keep you ticking over nicely
Any kayaking on the agenda?