Rules of English

[Seafront Plodder]

For Antonio...(and others!)

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. That is something up with which you should not put.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than is absolutely necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalise.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary.
22. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
23. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
24. Kill all exclamation marks!!!
25. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
26. Understatement is always the absolutely best way to put forth earth shattering ideas.
27. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
28. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." (Journals, Vol 2)
29. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
30. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
31. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
32. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
33. Who needs rhetorical questions?
34. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
35. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

[Antonio247]

Thank you very much, Andy. It´s sometimes really difficult to follow the rules.

I´m attaching some mistakes made in compositions by some of my pupils. The theme was "Breakfast". The compositions were written by students who are around 16 years old. They have studied English for four years at primary school and four more at secondary school.



1. When I arrive at home, .........
2. My parents come from their jobs before than me.
3. I check everything what I have to do.
4. My house is very far from my institute.
5. We usually have a toast with strawberry jam.
6. Both of my father and my mother get up early.
7. This is very tired because the bag is so heavy.
8. We live very near to the school.
9. I haven´t got many freedom to do that I want.
10. In winter, my mother says me that I must arrive to my house before ten o´clock.
11. I love celebrate my birthday.
12. Parents mustn´t be too many strict.
13. When we finish to have breakfast, …
14. I prefer go to the cinema.
15. If I don´t go to high school, I would be much happier.
16. My parents want we come back home early.
17. My friends come for have lunch.
18. I can´t go out with my friends because of I have no time from Monday to Thursday.
19. I get up early to have me a shower.
20. Live life as a teenager is not easy.
21. I make very noise.
22. They don´t be angry with me now.
23. We wait for our uncle who carry us to school.
24. We use to have dinner all together at home.
25. One of our do the washing-up every day.
26. My father hasn´t anything for breakfast.
27. Breakfast is the most very important meal of the day.
28. They cook very fastly.
29. I late a lot of time because my house is very far from my school.
30. My sister likes biscuits a lot. She eats its very quickly.

[Mid Life Crisis Marathon Man]

Reminds me of the time a sporting commentator wanted to use a particular metaphor to describe a fight during a football game, but instead mixed it with another one and said, "Well, all hell has hit the fan here..."

English can be so cute.