2008 - Autumn

[El Gordo]

El Gordo;

To add my own thoughts. I think it's entirely normal to have the odd weekend off-the-rails.

By nature we are emotional, creative, instinctive and spontaneous. And yet we're often engaged and immersed within a world that betrays this. We engineer processes and create abstract versions of our world. We normalize, order, design and index.

I think this creates a great deal of subconscience dissonance. Going for a run is one way of dealing with this and it can help to get rid of some of the clutter.

But another way is to get abit pissed. It allows us to enter a different state of mind where we can wipe the slate of all this abstract order.

Perhaps balance could be achieved in another way. But it feels like an irresistable impulse nonetheless.

Excellent post, GM. I know what you're saying, and can't disagree with the general sentiment.

Trouble is, once I opt to 'enter a different state of mind [to] wipe the slate of all this abstract order', i.e. go to the pub, I find it very difficult to snap out of it and return to the pure ascetic life. Or not without lingering consequences. A bad day is a form of contamination that doesn't instantly disappear. It's like the breaking of a spell, or losing the rhythm and momentum. I worry that the more it happens, the more normal it will seem. Basically, I don't trust myself. I'm more upbeat about running than I have been for a while, and I guess I'm anxious to preserve this positive state of mind.

The human instinct seems to be to proceed in the direction I'm already going. Once deflected, I continue until deflected again. I've written about this a few times. It's all about momentum. We need to try to keep pointed the right way.

Thing is, it's not as if I'm craving unhealthy food and booze. I'm not at all. I'm really enjoying the (relatively) healthy life. You say that "going for a run is one way of dealing with this and it can help to get rid of some of the clutter." You're dead right, and I want that to be my main outlet for as long as possible. If I could trust myself, I'd throw in a weekly bottle of wine or night in the pub. How nice to be able to do that and leave it there. I'm not a depressive type, but I am finding that filling this Adonis-like temple with toxins just makes me feel pissed off and demotivated. Getting and staying excited about running is largely dependent on feeling right in the old brain box.

Yes we can! Yes we can!

Hurrah!!!!