Garden Gate For Sale

[Ian]

Only occasionally used to support weary runner. As new!

£25 O.N.O.

[El Gordo]

Thanks Ian, but I'll have to have some gate analysis done first....

[Ian]

Is that all it hinges on?

[El Gordo]

It's just that for £25, I'm sure there must be a catch?

[Ian]

If I add another entry to this thread, does it become a gate post?

[El Gordo]

I've been had!

Haven't I?

I've just realised that all of Ian's clever replies have been puns.

Why didn't I see this? Why did it take so long to latch onto it?

Oh well.

Regardless of how it went missing, I must replace it. This was brought home to me earlier this evening when a bunch of guys were thrown out of the pub next door. Without the gate, the five barred chaps walked right across my garden.

[Nigel]

Sounds like a Gatorade to me.

[El Gordo]

Oh God, don't you start!

Good to hear from you Nigel. Roeder dismaissal -- good or bad? Dowie would be a good choice for new manager. Cheap and clever.

[Nigel]

For all his quiet dignity, Roeder just could not motivate the players, even the few of them left after the relegation firesale. Just look at Scott Minto - an expensive and disastrous purchase who looked terrible at West Ham but was able to play superbly against them in the defeat at Rotherham on Saturday.

"Donkey" Dowie is an eternal joke amongst Hammers fans. Seemingly ever-present at Centre Forward in Harry Redknapp's starting line-ups, his scoring record was just woeful:
1995-1996 Played 33 Scored 8 goals
1996-1997 Played 23 Scored 0 goals
1997-1998 Played 12 Scored 0 goals

For those last two seasons, he never even looked like scoring (excepting the two he scored for Northern Ireland against mighty Albania, and a superlative own goal in a numbing League Cup defeat at Stockport). At a club with a history of heroic failures then, he must surely be the Board's top choice for the job. My choice - more steel, more commitment, more belief - perhaps Stuart Pearce or Julian Dicks, but only if Saint Trevor or Alan Curbishley decline the millions we'd joyously strew in their paths for at least a hope of promotion.

[El Gordo]

I think you misunderstood me Nigel. I wasn't suggesting that Dowie came back as a centre forward.....

Whatever his failings as a player (and he played for us for a year or two as well, so I know all about that), he's a top coach and articulate to boot. Perhaps the West Ham vacancy has come a bit too soon for him, but mark my words, he'll be one of the best coaches in the league before too long. It will be a shame if memories of his playing days interfere with assessing his credentials as a manager.

Pearce or Dicks? Forgive me. I know people say "LOL" and don't really mean it, but I really did laugh out loud then. I think they'd be popular choices, and the board might be tempted to go for a "good bloke" just to pacify the natives in the short term, but I don't think either of them are the answer to a traditionally 'cultured' footballing side like West Ham.

Just my view...

[Nigel]

Typical Upton Park scoreline:
Cultured Us 0, Committed Them 3

No, I don't think Pearce or Dicks are good old blokes. But they had fire in their bellies, that rarest of commodities at the Boleyn Ground.

Let's just hope for a miracle and that St Trev decides he can't bear to give up the caretaker role. Culture and real belief - that would be the ultimate dream ticket for the 162 bus from Wanstead.

[El Gordo]

Fair enough Nigel. You're the man on the frozen terrace with the cup of lukewarm Bovril and the tear-stained cheeks, and you, supposedly, are the one they should be listening to.

I can see your point. It hasn't been as bad a start as some seem to think but there is a feeling that they need the proverbial rocket up the Khyber, and Pearce may manage that. The trouble is that heart-on-sleeve players don't always cut the mustard as managers.

But anyway, whether or not Dowie ends up at Upton Park, he is definitely one of that new breed of British coaches like Mickey Adams, Pardew, Curbishley, David Moyes et al, who have a great eye for a player, and have learnt how to do miraculous things with a sow's ear. While I wouldn't wish Dowie's face on anyone, I have seen the face of English football circa 2008, and it looks strangely similar.

Good luck with whoever you end up with.

[Ian]

First it's a gate and now it's my thread that's been stolen. What's going on?

[El Gordo]

Hmm, well I might have said "rescued" rather than stolen, Ian but....

Anyway, I thought you had loads of DIY to do -- why are you wasting your time here? Ah, hold on. Plenty of DIY jobs? I can see exactly why you're mooching around the web....