Daft but made me smile . . .

[Sweder]

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. A policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I just careered off the road.'

Strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you.
Do the same thing on an aeroplane and everyone joins in.

[El Gordo]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jg5HsG7AN1Y

[Sweder]

That's excellent! I trust Niguel will enjoy the reminder of the win over the Rowdies, if not the name of the scorer . . . speaking of which I see the Teves case is set to go before the beak. This does not bode well for West Ham, as any revelation on a legal platform that Teves remains a third party-owned player (as we all know that he does) may rekindle an outcry from the hinterlands of Sheffield. If you dance with the Devil you have to be prepared to get a little singed now and then; Eggy's best off cutting his losses and settling out of court in my view. He seems to have a few bob so why spoil a promising season by prolonging the agony? Especially as the legal leg he seeks to stand on appears to be not only made of wood but riddled with woodworm . . .

I also found the excrutiating US TV interview with Holly Hunter where the former Miss Idaho interviewer discovers she has as much talent for asking questions as she does for open-heart surgery.
Painful to watch

[El Gordo]

The Tevez scandal will be resolved with banknotes passing from West Ham, indirectly, to the South American guy who claims 'economic rights' over Tevez.

West Ham will then get refunded by the Manchester United banknotes.

Result?

- West Ham grinning at their forthcoming £50m Premiership payday
- Man Utd grinning at their new striker
- South American bloke grinning at the subtabular £20m

- Unfashionable Sheffield United shafted
- Football ethics, for so long worth around tuppence, now devalued to around farthing status

[Sweder]

The Tevez scandal will be resolved with banknotes passing from West Ham, indirectly, to the South American guy who claims 'economic rights' over Tevez.

Semantics aside (I think West Ham will get a softener from Joorbadvillain rather than them pay him) it's the only viable solution - other than what should happen which is for Peter Scudamore to put on his best Inspector Clouseau voice and cry 'Aha! The case is solv-ed! Come back Sheffield United! Begone to the dark realm West Ham! Banish Mr Joorabaddie from these shores forever more!' Then we'd have to look again at the Macherano transfer to Liverpool and everyone'll get dizzy to the point of vomiting, with the exception of hacks hopped up on inflated expense accounts and hot air rushing to call their Baby Bentley dealers.

The Premier League are looking as shabby as anyone in all this. Scudamore must be kneeeling in supplication before a large poster of La Tour; even if Teves were to reveal to the watching world that he is in fact a former pole dancer from Verracruz the Sporting Scandal of the Year award was surely sewn up on the Champs Elysee last week. Even Sven's aversion to buying anything remotely British for his new club - he's rumoured to be kitting out the dressing rooms with the new sporting range from Ikea - is struggling to get any coverage.

So, will I give a toss when the new season starts?
Will I be tuning in to watch Old Puce Face scowl at Young Big 'Ed for two hours on Sunday afternoon? Will I stand in the shadow of the Convent Field End stand at the Pan, earpiece feeding Alan Green's slurry of sarcasm from the fields of gold in Premiershipland?
You betcha.

[Sweder]

The Tevez scandal will be resolved with banknotes passing from West Ham, indirectly, to the South American guy who claims 'economic rights' over Tevez.

Semantics aside (I think West Ham will get a softener from Joorabadvillain rather than them pay him) it's the only viable solution - other than what should happen which is for Peter Scudamore to put on his best Inspector Clouseau voice and cry 'Aha! The case is solv-ed! Come back Sheffield United! Begone to the dark realm West Ham! Banish Mr Joorabaddie from these shores forever more!' Then we'd have to look again at the Macherano transfer to Liverpool and everyone'll get dizzy to the point of vomiting, with the exception of hacks hopped up on inflated expense accounts and hot air rushing to call their Baby Bentley dealers.

The Premier League are looking as shabby as anyone in all this. Scudamore must be kneeeling in supplication before a large poster of La Tour; even if Teves were to reveal to the watching world that he is in fact a former pole dancer from Verracruz the Sporting Scandal of the Year award was surely sewn up on the Champs Elysee last week. Even Sven's aversion to buying anything remotely British for his new club - he's rumoured to be kitting out the dressing rooms with the new sporting range from Ikea - is struggling to get any coverage.

So, will I give a toss when the new season starts?
Will I be tuning in to watch Old Puce Face scowl at Young Big 'Ed for two hours on Sunday afternoon? Will I stand in the shadow of the Convent Field End stand at the Pan, earpiece feeding Alan Green's slurry of sarcasm from the fields of gold in Premiershipland?
You betcha.