10! 9! 8!
Hey what’s going on here? Where am I?
As the countdown continues, my sweaty fingers tug at the seatbelt and I can feel my voice trembling. “Hey, let me out, someone… please, Oh my God, someone help me… HELP ME…!
7! 6! 5!
For God’s sake, I didn’t mean it. I DIDN’T MEAN IT!!
4! 3!
I can no longer hear myself shout above the noise of the screaming engines. It’s too late.
2! 1!
Liftoff! We have liftoff!
Shock and fear suck me into numbed silence, as through the tiny porthole I see the Earth and all I hold familiar and valuable receding into the distance. Is that a flying saucer hovering on the other side of the glass?
No! it’s a donut!
I make an instinctive lunge for it but it just gives me a cheeky twirl before spinning off into deepest outer space.
As we crash through a belt of cloud, a furious rain storm of beer and Champagne beats against the window. I hold out my cupped hands… but no, these pleasures are once more beyond my grasp.
Face it. The 18 week mission to Madness via Deprivation is well and truly under way once more…
Farewell friends and family. Farewell pork pies and Fuller’s Best. If I make it through, we will have a glorious reunion. See you in a few months time.
Byee! Byeeee!
