Im shocked. I’ve been sexually assaulted.
Plodding along the village high street this evening in sub-zero conditions, I glanced up at the moonlit church, ready for 40 minutes of contemplative exercise. As I did so, I came across a group of 4 or 5 teenage girls, aged about 13 or 14 years old, walking towards me. As I went past them, one of them suddenly said “Ere, fancy a shag then?”, and lunged at me. Before I knew what was happening, she grabbed my testicles, then shrieked.
I shrieked too.
It was a profoundly startling experience, and instinct made me sprint off into the distance at a fair old rate.
Let’s hope my good fortune holds out for the Brighton 10K on Sunday.
