200708

[El Gordo]

I'm a fraud, and everything is pretty shit.

My running is patchy. Or let's be truthful and call it non-existent. Even worse, I can't write anymore. I've said nothing interesting for months. Perhaps years.

I've got a marathon to do in less than 3 months. That's better than "less than 2 months", and a lot better than.... (but you get the idea).

It doesn't even seem to be depression. I'm feeling as happy as a QPR fan can feel on the cusp of a new season. This is as good as it gets.

It's more like pitifully... self-pitying, adolescent boredom.

After a good week last week, ending in the splendid boys' day out in Lewes, I've done nowt. Drunk some beer and some wine, eaten nuts and chocolate, and drifted around the garden, crushed by a sense of unfulfilled intention.

Tomorrow, tomorrow. Let's be new again. A new life in a different world.