World Cup Brazil 2014 / Weltmeisterschaft Brasilien

[Sweder]

I didn't fancy it this morning. Lack of sleep, the tail-end of an upper molar abssess, creaky knee. The excuses lined up like a defensive wall fidgeting behind a spray-painted ten-yard line. I've been here before. Feeling crap about/ before a run doesn't always equate to a crap run. So I set off, rather like Croatia, more in hope than expectation.

The run was a good deal kinder to me than the officials were to the boys from the Little Chef. Neymar, a man who could have been sobbing into an early shower after an elbow with malice aforethought, scuffed an equaliser in off the post to cancel out Marcelo's stumbled own goal. Then came the 2014 moment that, in Croatia at least, will sit next to Maradona's Hand Of God in the pantheon of World Cup injustices. Right, said Fred, drop it on me 'ead, can't get that so I'll fall instead. The man from Japan almost dislocated his wrist in his haste to award a penalty.

Insult was duly added when Croatia conjured a perfectly good leveller only for those pesky officials to chalk it off for an apparent foul on the stranded Brazilian 'keeper. Oscar, for once not worthy of an eponimous statuette, papered over the cracks with a world-class toe-poke in added time.

I should imagine the coffee in Zagreb had a rather bitter taste this morning. As the world's media attempts to report 'disturbances' (riots) on the streets of Rio and Sao Paulo in a manner that won't jeopardise their three-week junket, we're left to ponder if this might be the most politicised football tournament in history. Brazilians are taking to the streets in their droves to protest appalling poverty, government ineptitude and what is perceived as the pissing away of national resources on a party for millionaires. Imagine if they'd lost last night.

Still, the next one should be OK. It's in Russia.

[marathondan]

Yes, an interesting game. Croatia deserve to go through on that performance, so let's hope they can channel their sense of injustice. For me the ideal match ref would have been the venerable Nicholas Parsons who, if he gives the benefit of the doubt to one player early on, tries to repay the favour later in the game. The ref's leniency towards Neymar's neck-chop could have been balanced with a less generous view of Fred's collapse under a gentle tap on the shoulder.

As for the disallowed equaliser, in fairness to Brazil they were playing to the whistle, so it's not a given that the ball would have ended up in the net had Cesar not been afforded the cotton wool treatment.

And it must be said that for both of Brazil's legitimate goals, Croatia gave the ball away in dangerous areas, so the man in black (with natty piping) wasn't completely to blame for their downfall.

[Sweder]

The defending by both sides would have sent Hansen into a hissy fit. Brazil were equally profligate, lucky not to be two or three down before Neymar scored.
Add the leniency towards Neymar to Fred's amateur dramatics and throw in the chalked-off goal (keeper stranded, Sideshow Bob still on the deck having made the first block; it's a goal for me) I think the ref has a lot to answer for. Croatia conceded the third having thrown everything forward. It's tough enough playing Brazil in Brazil. Once you realise you're not getting a fair shout from the officials it must feel like pushing a boulder up Sugarloaf Mountain.

[The Beast of Bevendean]

It's behind a pay wall unfortunately, and in any case may be well known to those of you with a deeper understanding of the game than mine, but John Lanchester in the new London Review of Books tells of the Ecaudorean referee whose decisions in the 2002 game between Italy and South Korea were so odd. This same man later added 13 minutes of extra time to a league game in Ecuador, in order that the home team might equalise and then win. After retiring from refereeing, he took up employment as a drug mule and was arrested at JFK with six kilos of heroin.
An example to us all.

[El Gordo]

Nervously awaiting England's opener against Italy, I've been killling time browsing through the sour-faced comments in the Scottish papers about England's prospects, and about the competition in general. This one made me smile:

I just can't get excited about a sporting event where a government have spent millions funding it, yet it's people live in squalor and deprivation. Where drugs are rife and life expectancy is low.

But enough of the Commonwealth games in Glasgow. The World Cup starts tonight.

[Sweder]

As disappointing as it was to see England lose to Italy last night, I'm strangely filled with optimism. It may be that England will fall short and fail to get out of their group. I don't care. For the first time in a long, long time, I was proud of my team last night. They took risks, gave youth a chance, expressed themselves, passed the ball like they wanted to keep it (instead of humping it into the night sky) and played to win. Baines needs help, Rooney has turned into a quite good attacking midfielder but Sterling, Sturridge and the omnipresent Wellbeck were outstanding. I'd go the whole hog and give Barkley a start v Uruguay, possibly for Rooney. A fired-up Wayne coming off the bench against a tiring, makeshift (after the late red for Maxi Pereira) back four would be something to see.

Last night England came up against the greatest hipster to have ever played the game, the peerless Pirlo. The man struts about with his Chuck Norris beard, looking like he owns the place, which of course he does. His free kick near the death was sublime. Joe Hart had no idea where the ball was going. Pirlo's expression as he turned away said it all. It's all beneath him really. He said of the pre-match warm-up "I hate it with every fibre of my being. It actually disgusts me. It’s nothing but masturbation for conditioning coaches.” His autobiography is well worth a read.

Speaking of man-love I got a warm, moist feeling watching Robin Van Persie's exquisite header stun Spain. It was Bergkamp-esque in the presence of mind and perfect execution. I can offer no higher praise. The demolition of Spain that night, and the embarrassment of a distinctly poor Uruguay by 'lowly' Costa Rica yesterday, confirms that this competition will knock the dull-fest that was 2010 into a cocked, brightly-feathered hat. And there's not a bloody Vuvuzela in earshot.

It's not been a great tournament for keepers so far. Casillas had his pants pulled down and his bare bottom spanked by both RvP and Arjen Robben and Kawashima, the Japanese stopper, had a shocker for Ivory Coast's winner in the wee small hours. That said Navas's scrambling save from Diego Forlan's deflected shot was out of the top drawer.

Commence au festivale!

[El Gordo]

Hard to disagree with any of that.

The least exciting game I've seen so far might have been the opener, in which a nervous Brazil could have come a cropper against a much stronger Croatian side than we'd been led to believe were appearing this time. The deeply dodgy penalty filled me with dread about the errors to come, though mercifully these haven't been too numerous so far. (Though I would mention a couple of baffling decisions to deprive Meh-ico of a 2-0 half time lead against Cameroon.) A tweet by David Baddiel summed it up: "This ref is such a Homer he could have written the fucking Odyssey".

It's not just Croatia who've surprised us. Costa Rica did a fine job on Uruguay, and I have to salute the Aussies. Most predictions were for them to shrivel up and die but they put up a tremendous fight against Chile. With Spain and NL still to come they are likely to end up pointless, but it won't be for the lack of effort or national pride. Would love to see them take Spain down, just for the comedy-shock value, though honest, I've nothing against Spain.

Talking of which, game of the tournament so far, beyond doubt, was Holland's annihilation of Spain. There were several predictions pre-tournament that we might have seen the end of tiki-taka football, which frankly I would rejoice at. I don't suppose the Spaniards will take this result, nor this prediction, lying down, and we should expect them to reinflate themselves for the Chile game on Wednesday. But many of us are revising our predictions of who are likely to make it to the semis.

But how good were Holland? Actually, that's a serious question as I'm not sure to what extent we were seeing a Dutch renaissance, rather than a Spanish decline. But even if they failed to win another point and had to go home early, I suspect many would feel they'd had a good tournament after this result. As soon as the Van Persie header looped over the line, I wondered how many more times I was destined to see that goal before the great final whistle of life is blown.

And England? While the result was a disappointment it was heartening to see them look purposeful and keen to attack their opponents. They generally take the advice given to the novice marathon runner -- start slow and get slower. Traditionally, their first 2 games are total write-offs as entertainment, but last night they had a right go, and could even have won the match if a few more shots had been on target. (I just saw on Swiss TV that the cause of the almighty splash in Lake Zurich this morning has been identified as the ball from Wayne Rooney's corner.)

Felt a bit sorry for Rooney. Clearly a valuable player for the team but one who is struggling to fit a formation in which Sterling is occupying his natural slot. I like @sweder's idea of Rooney coming off the bench to torment a tiring defence.

Switzerland on as I write, and currently 1-0 down to Ecuador. A couple of Swiss guys at work have allowed the FIFA ranking (which, astonishingly, gave them a group to lead at the tournament), to go their heads. They've been a bit full of it, making over-confident, po-faced predictions like "We should definitely get to the quarter finals, and we'll see how we go from there". I don't know how to break this to you chaps, but...

But overall, a good start.

[marathondan]

Simple summary: we've all seen England play a lot worse than that. So if they can keep it up, they have a better chance than many were giving them a couple of weeks ago.

Re Rooney, I agree: I too was watching him and thinking "impact substitute". Which I suppose is a phrase that every striker starts to hear as the clock ticks on his career. He looked miles better in the middle, and unfortunately Sturridge is the no. 1 choice there now.

[Sweder]

Stayed up last night to watch Argentina, specifically Messi and Aguero. Sergio had an off-night and got the hook in part two. Lionel was having one of those frustrating games where the hard-working opposition had his number. And that's precisely when he stepped inside, shimmied and shallied and tucked away a peach of a finish, curled in off the post. A moment of Messi magic to light up the Maracana, straight out of an expensive video game.

It dawned on me this morning, listening to the harbingers of doom writing Rooney off, that Wayne's biggest problem is all the self-created hyperbole. Tonight Narcissus personified takes on Germany. I have no doubt he will be at the centre of whatever storm brews in that match. He will pose, posture, dance, prance and tear the German back-line a new one. Or get sent off, or get someone else sent off. Ronaldo, Messi, Rooney. They're on every poster, leering out of every FIFA- branded Kentucky Fried McX-Box. It's this endless propaganda, coupled with a string of 'ordinary' performances for England, that perpetuates the feeling that Rooney falls short. How can he not? He's a space-age super-hero, battling alien invaders with scissor-kicks and death-defying acrobatics. Yet on my telly on Saturday night he looked sweaty, red-faced, sluggish and pissed off. And when he got a chance, instead of leaving the opponent's goal a smouldering pile of twisted fabric, he scuffed his effort wide.

Live up to the hype or die by the hype. Or stop trousering the GDP of a small European country for a series of ludicrous adverts.

[Sweder]

Watching Australia v Holland, slack-jawed, when this wonderful ad arrives in my inbox. If there was a world cup for beer ads our friends from Down Under would be certain finalists. Note the subtitles, volume required.



And what a game THAT was. Bad luck Australia. I had the result down as 2-2 in my pre-tournament predictor. Then Ryan dropped thr Ashes. Damn.

Just now there was Chile v Spain. Holy hell.
Chile gone barmy, fans storming the press centre, murders at the Maracana.
Spain, in pain, are heading for the plane.

Craziest World Cup ever.

[Mid Life Crisis Marathon Man]

Well at least Tim Cahill's amazing goal gave us something to cheer about. Maybe I can get some sleep now.

[Sweder]

Many of us wanted Roy Hodgson to give new blood a chance, and he did. It didn't work, primarily because the over-hyped megastars in the England team once again fell short. Never mind the missing Malaysian airliner, we're still looking for the England captain.

Moments after Luis Suarez showed us what a class player looks like (on one leg, no less) Joe Hart was telling me what shampoo I need to use to be ready for penalties. If only. Remember the delicious pain of a lost penalty shoot-out? Do fuck off, Joe.

Chris Waddle summed it all up, as he does every two years at about this stage.
Enjoy one of the most articulate rants in recent times:

Chris Waddle: Scorchio!

[marathondan]

No surprise that a Liverpool player was the difference between the two sides... Stevie G at fault for both goals. I've never understood the hype around him - trouble is, he's the best we've got. It may seem unfair to make scapegoats, but it's frustrating to see all the great pretty good attacking work undone by schoolboy errors from the most experienced player on the pitch. And the number of set pieces wasted over the two games so far has been shocking. Basics, boys.

[Sweder]

Well at least Tim Cahill's amazing goal gave us something to cheer about. Maybe I can get some sleep now.

Almost certainly the goal of the tournament, right up there with Van Persie's 'Leaping Salmon' header v Spain.

Post script:
As I unpack in my salubrious suite at the Newham (Excel) Premier Inn, I'm watching France take the Swiss apart with consumate ease. It's all going like clockwork for les Bleus, the Swiss are full of holes.

Let me say here and now, as England fans tear up their ludicrous Great Escape betting slips and cancel that cheap supermarket Prosecco, I really hope Costa Rica, or Colombia, or Chile, or even Mexico, win this tournament. The birth of a new world order would be just the finale this helter skelter fesitval of upsets deserves. Meanwhile, let's all enjoy these risible, hubristic ads for hair products, smart phones and haemorrhoid cream* starring our wonderful premier league heroes.




*OK, I made that up.

[The Beast of Bevendean]

I have to say I am much taken, as I watch goal after goal in the Switzerland-France game, by the stylish hats worn by the Swiss fans. I mean the ones with a stuffed St Bernard on the brim. Please tell us you have one, El Gordo, and perhaps favour us with a photograph

[Mid Life Crisis Marathon Man]

So I have to ask the obvious question: given the depth of talent at its disposal, why has England failed so early in Rio? Do you have (as some commentators here are speculating) too many internationals in the EPL which is somehow holding back your native talent?

[El Gordo]

I have to say I am much taken, as I watch goal after goal in the Switzerland-France game, by the stylish hats worn by the Swiss fans. I mean the ones with a stuffed St Bernard on the brim. Please tell us you have one, El Gordo, and perhaps favour us with a photograph

I found the hats with the massive wedge of Gruyère cheese rather more to my taste, but sadly I was unable to locate either model at my usual milliner.

Someone commented drily during one of the recent matches that these bizarre 'get ups', as my mother used to say, must seem like a great idea in the heady hours of pre-match optimism, but always look humiliatingly ridiculous when the score has give the wearer a glum expression. Imagine trudging off home, or to your hotel, with that monstrosity bouncing around on your bonce while you dab the tears from your cheeks.

[El Gordo]

So I have to ask the obvious question: given the depth of talent at its disposal, why has England failed so early in Rio? Do you have (as some commentators here are speculating) too many internationals in the EPL which is somehow holding back your native talent?

It may be an obvious question, but there's no obvious answer. Or no single one.

Admittedly the exit has come earlier than usual this time around, but a similar inquest has been held after pretty much every major tournament (i.e. every 2 years or so) since we won the thing in 66. The 2 exceptions were Italia 90 and Euro 96, where we got to the semi-finals.

There are lots of reasons. Yes to the number of foreign players in the Premier League, many of whom are not even internationals -- just half decent players from other countries who seem to be preferred over the local talent. Perhaps they're cheaper?

It's a long and complicated subject though some light might have been shed for me the other day when I was chatting about the World Cup with some German colleagues. They were astonished and appalled that one of their mates, a Dortmund fan, had said he'd prefer Dortmund to win the Champions League than Germany to win the World Cup. When I said that I could understand that, and many (most?) English football fans would prefer their clubs to win the CL, or even the Premier League, or heck, the FA Cup, than England to win the WC, they were almost speechless. German supporters and players alike have a massive regard for their country. There is much less cynicism than you get in England.

Now this isn't the sole reason for England being somewhat no good in tournaments. But it gave me an interesting insight.

[El Gordo]

No surprise that a Liverpool player was the difference between the two sides... Stevie G at fault for both goals. I've never understood the hype around him - trouble is, he's the best we've got. It may seem unfair to make scapegoats, but it's frustrating to see all the great pretty good attacking work undone by schoolboy errors from the most experienced player on the pitch. And the number of set pieces wasted over the two games so far has been shocking. Basics, boys.

I'd have to disagree with you about Gerrard, undoubtedly one of the best and most inspirational players of his generation, and someone who has sometimes appeared to single-handedly take on opponents when all seemed lost. Think of the CL final in Istanbul, or the FA Cup final against West Ham in 2006. I've heard both these matches called "the Gerrard final". And these are just two of the best known. He does that sort of thing much less visibly in league games.

Unfortunately for him, the middle of 2014 will always be remembered for his 2 errors -- against Uruguay and against Chelsea in the Anfield defeat -- that have contributed to defeats in key matches. So perhaps we're starting to see signs of his decline. But over his career, it's hard to fault the guy.

Just my 2c, as they say.

[Sweder]

No argument re the above, but we're talking England, not Liverpool. Beckham always grew an inch or two in a Three Lions shirt, whereas Gerrard shrinks. Those swahbuckling, dragging-your-team-forward heroics are just what England needed. I don't blame the man himself, as I'm sure he'd love to be thought of as an English Lionheart. It seems there's a different kind of pressure that squeezes the life out of him on the international stage. He was outplayed by Jordan Henderson in the last match. There's a sentence I never dreamed possible.

The Beckham analogy is not meant as an inter-club sneer. Rooney suffers by comparison, as has Lampard and others in the past. EG touches on this strangely English club-over-country thing we have going on. I don't feel it personally but it's clearly there and seems to extend to the players. It's deep, in the DNA. Something to do with the FA set-up perhaps? The influx of foreign players to the EPL may explain part of the malaise, but the truth is decent players will come through. Oxlade Chaimberlain, Barkley, Sturridge, Sterling, Llallana, all fine examples of English players holding their own in a field full of foreigners. I take Waddle's point, though. 'We're always told these players will be great in two years' time. It's always two years. I've waited for those two years to come around and I'm still waiting'. Jam tomorrow is our clarion call.

Gerrard is our captain, our leader. He is chosen for the remarkable, undeniable qualities he's shown in Istanbul and against West Ham, where he fashioned the most unlikely of equalisers whilst playing on one leg. I've seen no leadership from him in this World Cup. He chose the eve of the pivotal Uruguay game to remind the new, as yet untainted players with fear of failure. 'If you lose this game you'll have a shit summer'. What on Earth was that?