World Cup Nonsense

[MickCollins]

I would like, for my part, to congratulate Graham Poll, on one of the great comedy performances in World Cup history.

A splendid night for those of us scrambling around for stories. The Aussies creep through in a game with dodgy goals, disallowed goals, too many yellow cards to go round, too few reds, and a glut of finger wagging and prissy gesturing from the man from Tring. If you can get a spread bet on his air miles, I'd say get in there quick, because they will be increasing by several hundred in the next day or so.

Elsewhere, the fattest man in world football scored twice for Brazil without breaking into a jog, in a victory so straightforward, Roberto Carlos nodded off in the dugout in the second half. Elsewhere, Ghana defeated the Great Satan ™ armed only with some terrifying tackling and the diving ability of Chris Snode (remember him?), while the Czechs, frankly, bounced.

The man from the Sunday Times had a fight with the man from the Express on a German train, and we all tried to cobble together stories about how difficult the ball is to save, on account of the Japanese keeper's sudden inability to hurl himself even vaguely in the right direction after his half time cup of tea.

Oh, and Mr Rosicky, who looked like a star buy a week ago, suddenly looks like a dead duck, and Arsene probably wants his money back. England have too many midfielders and too few strikers, but then there's only one person in the country who didn't know that, and Beckham, Cole, Crouch and Campbell are playing like muppets. As for Lampard, if he keeps having 37 shots a match, he might get one on target by about the 10th July, by which time it will all be too late.

We've still got Brazil v Ghana and the Aussies v Italy in the knock out to come, and Togo and France tonight could see the fair play league take another good kicking.

All of which combined makes this, in my ever so humble opinion, just about the best World Cup there's ever been...